I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
