Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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