i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
