3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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