Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize