The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
