i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
