I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We left an ass print on the piano.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize