I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
