That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
