So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His nipple licking is glorious
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