Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
