I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and she was petting her beer can
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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