She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
