Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
