is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you mean i was at the winter classic?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
