Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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