Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And then my night got REAL pukey
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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