how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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