it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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