I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
