Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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