You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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