I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
