You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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