Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So vagazzling was a success
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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