This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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