I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
