I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
