So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Randomize
