I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
