shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
