Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
