dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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