There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
