TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
