Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
