Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize