I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
