I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
