I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
