oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
