If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
