my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
pray to the hookup gods
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
