During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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