My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
