After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
