I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
