all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
