People in love make me want to vomit
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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