dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize