I'm going to jail i love you
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
