you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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