DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
