I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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