He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
