try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
