I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize