I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
