The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
