I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You need Xanax blowdarts
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
