i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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