Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize