I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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