Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
