Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
